(First of all, well done Barak Hussein Obama, the 44th president of the United States of America. You go man… all the best of luck, you’ll need it… )
I could not ignore this conversation that I witness few days ago. And it was so lively and strange because reflects desperation, sadness and the ugliness side of the lonely gay world. Study case, the online gay world.
In the next following blogs, I’ll be touching the sauna, clubs, cruising and organizations that helps young gays come out.
In my point of view, and myself include in it, we as a human being do not know anymore how to interact in this faster, technology society that uses I-pods, I-phones, wi-fis and downloading pictures within seconds to obtain pleasure as well as we order take-out food from the Chinese. In this faster world, only the strongest minds will survive… No need to say that my visions are focused in the Irish 21st century life style, where I am living and dealing my issues of a growing up man.
Cruising online, this profile had sent me an email. I opened it and from there we kept a nice talking for few minutes until my needs for food and shower called my attention. I left the talking with a good perspective that in the next day I would have a nice and charming date. However, this profile broken into midnight calling my phone and asking for me to go his place. With no fear I went.
And when I got there he was sleeping in the sofa and I was outside calling his phone in the cold. After 20 minutes, he finally got me inside the house. He was drinking whiskey on the rocks. He kept making noises with his mouth and asking me if I was alone – no relationship, if was happy and worse of all, rubbing my hands like a freak.
“Oh, God, how I ended up in this place?”
“It is definitely a lovely house. It has 6 bedrooms with in suite. It also has a huge kitchen and a large living room”.
– I didn’t pay attention in the rest of the house till the next morning.
In bed… well, the same scenario repeats itself, because he could not get a hard on and he also kept repeating the same bullshit like:
“Are you ok?”
“Are you lonely?”
”Do you have someone in you life?”
“Don’t mind me, I am shine”…
And I kept cool till both of us fall sleeps.
The next day, I was told to leave the place because it was time to go.
On my way home I had the following thoughts that I later put in papers but I won’t be posting in full. However, I kept asking myself the same questions.
“How, me, as a smart, sex, happy, optimist and intelligent bloke could ever be in such a mentally mess, again?”
How many of us is placing ourselves in this situations? So, on I have to extend my thoughts to most of us, how can we get ourselves in such emotional mess?
An effective, however lazy answer could be because of the loneliness and selfishness to just get pleasure to and from bodies that in this faster universe, we all forget that behind the skin, there is more to cope, when things didn’t go quite well! And also because we want all now and now, we don’t have time to experience a regular date on itself.
“I have to say, few days before this shit date, I had a lovely afternoon and I’ll be posting the event. It was worth and I’ll always remember it”
I wrote the
Sent by email and …
The reply that I got, few hours later by private number, coward, was:
“You are so sad and stupid… fuck off”.
That really keeps me thinking that a man, in his later 30’s is telling me that? Wow, is just a joke. I would expect that from a teenage or a queen, not from a latter 30’s. Now, he kept calling me in a private number… it is indeed sad. I have to take it as a joke. The man was unable to keep the level of the conversation. Just re read the message sent by this sad soul lines above.
Yet again, unable to express feelings the easier way is attack because he could not get from me the dependence that he is looking for in another sad and silly soul. He will find his one, but he is not having mine.
Wrote on January, 17, 2009 – Updated on January, 21, 2009